Fun With Pumpkins

Sunday night was much fun. I cooked potato soup and we had friends over to my friend Holly's house. I haven't told ya'll about Holly, let me catch you up. Holly is actually my very best guy friend. Obviously Holly isn't his real name but it's what I call him now. He hates it. But the thing is he's gay and he's totally in love with this boy that we all hate. And he likes to cook for the boy so I call him Holly Housewife. I don't know where it came from I just said it one day and it stuck. I spend a lot of time at Holly's house. It is definitely my second home.

So Sunday night we were all hanging out at Holly's going to town carving our pumpkins. Bitch #1 and I were working on a cheap bottle of ghetto wine. My other best friend Bitch #2 was working on a real bottle of wine, meaning it cost more than $5.97 at Wal-Mart and the boys were drinking beer. And here's another point I don't think we've discussed here--my friends are nasty. They have filthy potty mouths. I guess I shouldn't just say my friends, what do they say "birds of a feather, flock together". So somehow we decided that everything we said about the pumpkins sounded sexual. Some of the better ones:

"I don't want to stick my hand in all that goop"
"My hole is too small"
"That's a BIG one"
"Look at all this mess"
"Now my hands are messy"
"It took you a while to clean yours"
"OH it's SO cute!"
"Now I just have a big gaping hole"
"Now she's a gutter whore" I'll end with that because you're probably wondering how gutter whore's came up in the discussion of carving pumpkins. But Holly's pumpkin, Evelyn, had a little trouble standing upright (and she didn't even have any ghetto wine). And when a big gust of wind came up it tumbled her over and she rolled all the way down the street until she landed in the gutter with a busted jaw. That was quite possible the funniest thing I have EVER seen. Good times!